Humor

Do you often feel a sense of balance & youthfulness when humor comes your way? Does humor help during troubled times?

Humor can help you get along and cope in your everyday life & on days that seem to be somewhat dark with not much light at the end.

There is always light, even though it is sometimes difficult to break through the barrier of darkness. But, with humor at your side you have a tool to help you reach the light.

This section offers different types of humor to help you through your day.
 

Do All You Can

Do all the good you can,
By all the means you can,
In all the ways you can,
In all the places you can,
At all the times you can,
To all the people you can,
As long as ever you can.  ―John Wesley
 

Old Man & The Sea (See?)

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nice; picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and some apple and peach trees.  The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built.

One evening, the old farmer decided to go down to the pond, as he hadn't been there for a while, and look it over.  He grabbed a five gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.  As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.  He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Moral:    Old men can still think fast. --Unknown (As told to us by our friend Bud Sielen)

 

The Physical: Who Said?

A 70 year old gentleman went to the doctor to have an annual physical.

Doctor: Wow, you are in great condition. What do you do to keep in such good health?

Patient: I eat right, exercise, run a few miles a day & play 36 holes of golf once a week.

Doctor: That is really good. How old was your father when he passed on?

Patient: Who said he died? My father is still alive at 95.

Doctor: Oh, what does your father do to help his health?

Patient: He eats right, does moderate exercises, walks a mile a day, & plays 18 holes of golf once a week.

Doctor: Great! That's just great. So, tell me how old your grandfather was when he passed on?

Patient: Who said he died? My grandfather is still alive at 125.

Doctor: Hmm, interesting. What is it that your grandfather does that helps him keep his health?

Patient: My grandfather eats right, does light exercises, walks a few miles a week & plays 9 holes of golf once a week. He is getting married this Saturday.

Doctor: Why is he getting married?

Patient: Who said he wanted to? ―Unknown (as told to us by our friend Al Goughnour)
 

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The Float

Bea was in her eighties and much admired for her sweetness and kindness to all.

The pastor came to call on her one afternoon early in the spring, and she welcomed him into her Victorian parlor. She invited him to have a seat while     she prepared a little tea. As he sat facing her old pump organ, the young minister noticed a cut glass bowl filled with water. In the water floated a condom.

Imagine his shock and surprise. Imagine his curiosity! Surely Miss Bea had flipped. But how could he mention the strange sight.

When she returned with the tea and cookies, his curiosity overcame his embarrassment. "I wonder if you could tell me about the bowl you have on the organ," he said pointing at the strange floater.

"Oh yes," she replied. "Isn't it wonderful? I was out walking last fall and I found this little package. The directions said to put it on the organ, keep it wet and it would prevent disease ...and you know... I haven't had a cold all winter. ―Author Unknown
 

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                          Enlighten Your Spirits

Spirituality plays a big role in the balance of good health and longevity.  Quiet often health deteriorates with age as loss and change is experienced throughout the years.

"Aerodynamically, the bumble bee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumble bee doesn't know it so it goes on flying anyway." —Mary Kay Ash

"Bury the 3 'A's' before they bury you: Apathy; Attrition; Atrophy-cation."

Beautiful

The first day of school our professor introduced him-self and challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.

I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being. She said, "Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I'm eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?"  I laughed and enthusiastically responded, "Of course you may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze.

"Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.  

She jokingly replied, "I'm here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids..."

"No seriously," I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.

"I always dreamed of having a college education and now I'm getting one!" she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.

We became instant friends. Everyday for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up. At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet.

I'll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.

Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, "I'm sorry I'm so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I'll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know."

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began,  

"We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.

There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
 

We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!

There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.
 

If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.
 

Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.

The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets."

She concluded her speech by courageously singing "The Rose." She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives.

At the year's end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep. Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it's never too late to be all you can possibly be.

These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.

REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY. GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get. We make a Life by what we give.

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage. If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

"Good friends are like stars.........You don't always see them, but you know they are always there."
 

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It Is All In The Way You Look At It

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family.

On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?"

"It was great, Dad."

"Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked.

"Oh yeah," said the son.

"So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father.

The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them."

The boy's father was speechless.

Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are."

Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!  ―Author Unknown

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Keli Adams

We would like to introduce you to our friend Keli Adams & her website.

Keli is a published author. Having suffered losses of her own (as she describes in her book) she understands the pain and is always happy to help where her services are needed.

She has many years of professional experience and has helped bring aid to many people with her services. With her psychic abilities, she can help bring comfort during times of sensitive needs.

Website: www.KeliAdams.com

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Sending You a Smile

Make sure you read all the way down & click on the word "smile" at the end - it is worth it.
Enjoy!
 

The most destructive habit..........................Worry
The greatest Joy........................................Giving
The greatest loss.......................................Loss of Self-Respect

The most satisfying work.............................Helping Others
The ugliest personality trait.........................Selfishness
The most endangered species......................Dedicated Leaders

Our greatest natural resource.......................Our Youth
The greatest "shot in the arm"......................Encouragement
The greatest problem to overcome.................Fear

The most effective sleeping pill.....................Peace of Mind
The most crippling failure disease..................Excuses
The most powerful force in life......................Love

The most dangerous pariah...........................A Gossiper
The world's most incredible computer.............The Brain
The worst thing to be without........................Hope

The deadliest weapon...................................The Tongue
The two most power-filled words...................."I Can"
The greatest asset........................................Faith

The most worthless emotion..........................Self-pity
The most beautiful attire...............................SMILE!
The most prized possession...........................Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication....Prayer
The most contagious spirit..............................Enthusiasm
Everyone needs this list to live by....................pass it along!!!

This is one you'll like. Someone put in a lot of effort to compile this. Just click on the word "SMILE" and get ready to enjoy. —Heather (author unknown)
 

The Tea Cup

There was a couple who used to go England to shop in a beautiful antique store. This trip was to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary. They both liked antiques and pottery, and especially tea-cups. Spotting an exceptional cup, they asked "May we see that? We've never seen a cup quite so beautiful."

As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the tea-cup spoke, "You don't understand." It said, "I have not always been a tea-cup. There was a time when I was just a lump of red clay. My master took me and rolled me pounded and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "Don't do that. I don't like it! Let me alone," but he only smiled, and gently said; "Not yet."

Then. WHAM! I was placed on a spinning wheel and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. 'Stop it ! I'm getting so dizzy! I'm going to be sick!', I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, quietly; 'Not yet.'

He spun me and poked and prodded and bent me out of shape to suit himself and then...... Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I yelled and knocked and pounded at the door. " Help! Get me out of here!" I could see him through the opening and I could read his lips as he shook his head from side to side, 'Not yet'. "When I thought I couldn't bear it another minute, the door opened. He carefully took me out and put me on the shelf, and I began to cool.

Oh, that felt o good! "Ah, this is much better," I thought. But, after I cooled he picked me up and he brushed and painted me all over. The fumes were horrible. I thought I would gag. 'Oh, please; Stop it, Stop it!!' I cried. He only shook his head and said. 'Not yet!'.
Then suddenly he put me back in to the oven. Only it was not like the first one. This was twice as hot and I just knew I would suffocate. I begged. I pleaded. I screamed. I cried. I was convinced I would never make it. I was ready to give up. Just then the door opened and he took me out and again placed me on the shelf, where I cooled and waited ------- and waited, wondering What's he going to do to me next? An hour later he handed me a mirror and said 'Look at yourself.' And I did. I said, 'That's not me; that couldn't be me. It's beautiful. I'm beautiful!"'

Quietly he spoke: "I want you to remember, then,' he said, 'I know it hurt to be rolled and pounded and patted, but had I just left you alone, you'd have dried up. I know it made you dizzy to spin around on the wheel, but if I had stopped, you would have crumbled. I know it hurt and it was hot and disagreeable in the oven, but if I hadn't put you there, you would have cracked. I know the fumes were bad when I brushed and painted you all over, but if I hadn't done that, you never would have hardened. You would not have had any color in your life. If I hadn't put you back in that second oven, you wouldn't have survived for long because the hardness would not have held.

Now you are a finished product. Now you are what I had in mind when I first began with you."

The moral of this story is this:

God knows what He's doing [ for each of us ]. He is the potter, and we are His clay. He will mould us and make us, and expose us to just enough pressures of just the right kinds that we may be made into a flawless piece of work to fulfill His good, pleasing and perfect will.

So when life seems hard, and you are being pounded and patted and pushed almost beyond endurance; when your world seems to be spinning out of control; when you feel like you are in a fiery furnace of trials; when life seems to "stink", try this.... Brew a cup of your favorite tea in your prettiest tea cup, sit down and think on this story and then, have a little talk with the Potter.

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Too Busy for a Friend....

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in
the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature.

The church was packed with his friends. One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin.

As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked. She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot."

After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it."

All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around. Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album."

"I have mine too," Marilyn said. "It's in my diary."

Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group. "I carry this with me at all times," Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists."

That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be.

So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

And One Way To Accomplish This Is: Forward this message on. If you do not send it, you will have, once again passed up the wonderful opportunity to do something nice and beautiful.

Remember, you reap what you sow. What you put into the lives of others comes back into your own.

May Your Day Be Blessed As Special As You Are

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